The 5 Best Moments from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

I love Chevy Chase and you can't stop me.

Just like many families, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation is essential watching every year in my house. Sure, we like the original Vacation entry, but this is the only one that truly matters as far as we're concerned. I even named it my third-favorite Christmas movie of all time on this very website just two holiday seasons ago.

Here's the best from the best, my favorite moments in countdown fashion:

5. Mary the Clerk

Let's be honest, this one has not aged well, but it's essential Clark Griswold. It needs to be somewhere on this list, so it lands here. Clark's daydreams about pretty ladies are frequent and well-documented. The original had Christie Brinkley as The Girl in the Red Ferrari and this version brings us Nicolette Scorsese (no relation to Marty, and no other notable credits except, of course, The Ultimate Lie) as Mary the sales clerk. 

However, as has been pointed out by every person with eyeballs, he's married to Beverly D'Angelo. What is wrong with him? Have you seen the first Vacation? Have you seen Beverly D'Angelo? And she puts up with all of his crap! This would be considered a crime worthy of jail time, if it wasn't for the fact that the very buffoonish nature that gets him stuck in these situations (including this one) is the very reason we love Clark. 

Mary: Because it's cold out?

Clark: Yes! Yes. It is. It's a bit nipply out. I mean nippy out. Ha! What did I say, nipple? Hah! Ah, there is a nip in the air, though.

4. Cousin Eddie’s Ridiculousness

Cousin Eddie could take over this list. In fact, it could just be a list of Cousin Eddie moments. He, without a doubt, steals the movie. But even then, it's still not his movie, it's Clark's. So instead, we will do a round-up of his best moments and include them all at this spot.

First, my favorite line in the whole movie:

You know that metal plate in my head? I had to have it replaced, cause every time Catherine revved up the microwave I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for a half hour or so.

Then, the line that sums up his family like no other:

That somethin', ain't it? She falls down a well, her eyes go crossed. She gets kicked by a mule. They go back to normal. I don't know.

And his most famous line, the one that appears on t-shirts and coffee mugs:

Shitter was full!

3. The Christmas Lights

This is quintessential Clark Griswold. Not only does he want to do something festive, he wants to do it grand. He already has the huge tree that doesn't fit in his living room, the whole family (even the folks he doesn't want) crammed into his kids' bedrooms, and now it's time to have the most obnoxious house on the block. And, of course, nothing goes right, from his encounter with a ladder to that single bulb that ruins the whole thing.

Frances: Talk about pissing your money away. I hope you kids see what a silly waste of resources this was.

Audrey: He worked really hard, Grandma.

Art: So do washing machines.

But when he does pull it off, it's fantastic. It's so extravagant, in fact, that he diminishes the power grid for the entire neighborhood. (Also, a special shout-out for Beverly D'Angelo's excellent vocal drumroll!)

2. Clark’s Meltdown

Please enjoy…

"If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here...with a big ribbon on his head! And I want to look him straight in the eye, and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-assed, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed, sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?"

1. Clark in the Attic

As a kid, this was - far and away - my least favorite scene in the movie. It was the best time for a bathroom or egg nog break, the scene where nothing funny happened and the movie's rhytyms came to a grinding halt.

Now, as an adult, I realize it's the movie's heart and soul. As Clark watches old home movies in the attic, he reminisces, tears up even, thinking about those magical Christmases from his childhood. That's all he wants for his family, the perfect, festive, joy-filled, nutmeg-scented, warm and cozy Christmas that he always had. Clark does a lot of crap and gets himself into a lot of trouble, but he (almost) always does it for his family. That's what screenwriter John Hughes knew would set his main character, and his movie, apart from the rest. The, believe it or not, good intentions. As that perfect Ray Charles song, "That Spirit of Christmas," plays underneath...

Christmas is the time of year / for being with the ones we love / Sharing so much joy and cheer/ What a wonderful feelin'/ Watching the ones we love / having so much fun