It’s the finale of Survivor 50 — and the live finale is back! (More on that later! Uh-oh!) After Jeff welcomed everyone* back to the Legends of the Hidden Temple-looking set, and a quick recap of the season so far**, we’re back on the beaches of Fuji for Day 23.
*Except for Mike White, who is shooting White Lotus. He should’ve sent Helena Bonham Carter in his place.
**Not Christian pooping his pants making the recap!
Tiffany is very upset about the Cirie vote. She calls Aubry “snake-ass Aubry” for voting out her closest ally, and she knows that doesn’t signal good things for herself. Don’t feel too bad for Cirie. She might not have won the $2 million, but she was one of the biggest winners of the season. When she walked out to the crowd at the live reunion, she received quite the love from the folks in attendance. Also, the reveal (three hours later) for the Sia Fan Favorite prize was extremely anticlimactic because it was always going to be Cirie.
The next morning, the immunity challenge is a new obstacle course with all of your favorite obstacles: mud pits, sandbags, a ladder puzzle, and a final Phoenix puzzle. Plus, there’s the new “Survivor fishing pole,” which is a silly phrase. Jonathan flies through the course, and Joe’s right behind, but neither of those jocks can do a puzzle. It doesn’t take long for Tiffany to catch up, and it’s a close race. Jonathan has to stop at one point to yak over the railing (Jeff blames it on 24 days of Survivor; my mother, in her text to me, blamed it on the mud — I blame it on having to use his brain too much), which was pretty gross and really funny. It comes down to one piece (how does it always come down to one piece?), but Jonathan shockingly pulls it out. His vomit doesn’t cost him the necklace, but one puzzle piece does cost Tiffany.
Back on the island, Tiffany knows everyone is voting for her. Rizo even sits her down and tells her as much. She starts going to all of the boys and pitching Aubry, her only and obvious angle here. Earlier in the episode, Aubry acknowledged that she’s reached the final five for the third time in her Survivor career. At this point, she’s the person with the resume. She’s the only multi-time returning player left, the only Old Era player left, and, as Tiffany points out, a famous should’ve-won on Survivor: Kaôh Rōng. Tiffany has a good pitch…
…and then totally blows up her own spot at Tribal Council. She comes in hot and heavy, venting her frustrations about her lack of progress with the other four, and what she perceives to be a poorly-planned alliance*. If she did have any chance of swaying anyone to vote for Aubry earlier, she definitely didn’t after that performance. She correctly predicts that she’ll be voted out and end up the next person on the jury. She’s the last person voted out on Survivor 50.
*She’s right, but more on that later.
Simmotion, one of the most iconic Survivor challenges and a go-to Final Four challenge, decides who will guarantee their spot in Final Tribal Council. Everyone performs pretty well, and because this challenge is a great equalizer, Jonathan, the challenge beast, even drops out before Rizo. It comes down to Joe and Aubry, who both have a solid strategy of muttering “left, right, left, right” to themselves to keep track of the system. But Joe’s pacing is off, his timing becomes erratic (he just throws the balls in there the second that Jeff says to add another, which makes everything uneven), and he loses track of one, ultimately losing to Aubry. He also writes her a $2 million check in the process. Back on the island, Aubry reveals that she bought a Simmotion on Etsy and practiced before heading out to Fiji. I love it when people practice! More people should practice! She paid what, $100 maybe?, to win $2 million! That’s a good investment!
As for the other three, Jeff lets us know that the fans voted for a fire-making completion to decide the last jury member*, and Aubry has a decision to make. It’s important to note that both Jonathan and Rizo lost this challenge in their respective seasons. It doesn’t seem like a particularly tough decision, however, choosing to sit next to Joe right away** and putting those other two in fire.
*I found this surprising. Doesn’t fire like…suck? I just prefer a final two…
**Say what you will about Joe (and I will), but he’s played twice and been in Final Tribal Council both times.
Almost immediately, Rizo breaks down crying. Just a month earlier, he left Survivor 49 having lost fire to the eventual winner. He tries hyping himself up with his catchphrase, but can barely squeak out “the man, the myth, the legend” before losing it completely*. He practically rolls over before Joe steps in, as he did with Eva on Survivor 48, to teach him a little something about fire. He’s a great teacher, and Rizo is apparently an excellent student because he picks it up right away. He wants to be a two-time fire-winning coach (he says, “In a sword fight, at least give everybody a sword…”), almost as much as Rizo doesn’t want to be the show’s first two-time fire loser.
*I had some sympathy for the man, but using this opportunity to bust out the catchphrase was laugh-out-loud funny.
Then, we’re back at the live finale. I don’t need to harp on this; you’ve read a million tweets and headlines and articles about this already, but Jeff spoils the showdown for us. He brought Rizo out, asked him about his big Albanian balls, and then told everyone that he’s the last member of the jury…before we actually saw it happen. We’ll hear more about how exactly that happened in the next few days, I’m sure (clearly they just set up for the wrong commercial break), but I just want to say — I feel bad for Jeff. He’s so so good at this. He remembers everything. He does it all live. He runs the damn show, for crying out loud. And he screwed up once…and it’s one for the history books. One that he will never live down. One that will be a meme forever.
So yeah, Jonathan beat Rizo in fire. Moving on..
During the last morning, as the final three are sitting on the beach, they see a boat approaching. Usually, boats are bad on Survivor, but this one brings a nice gift — family visits. Aubry’s mom, Joe’s wife, and Jonathan’s brother, Pee-Wee Herman, all got the chance to visit their loved one and give them one last piece of advice. They don’t spend a lot of time on this in the edit. Things to do!
At Final Tribal Council, everyone has to make their pitch. Joe admits he had to make sacrifices on honor and integrity for his greater good, Jonathan says he changed his strategy depending on the person he was talking to or working with, and Aubry tries to explain how her fluidity and flexibility were intentional. Stephenie practically admits she’s voting for Jonathan for bringing Old Era sensibilities to the New Era, Cirie calls out Joe because he constantly needed to be “babysat” through every vote (she’s right), and Ozzy calls Aubry’s ability to play the middle “exemplary.”
Christian asks about legacy, and I think that’s the question most apropos of this season. Joe believes his legacy to be, above honor and integrity, his vulnerability. I agree with that. Aubry says her story is one of a girl who had a panic attack on her second day ever on Survivor, a woman who worked on herself and her game, and has now played three times as much as either person sitting next to her. I agree with that because it is based in fact. Jonathan wanted to change his persona, that of a big brute. He left 42 and worked on his puzzles, his balance, and his social game, because he didn’t want to have a weakness. I agree with that because I do not believe he had any weaknesses.
My vote? Jonathan. Then Aubry. Then Joe, who I think had a strong FTC despite it being very obvious he wasn’t going to win.
But it’s not up to me, it’s up to the jury. Most votes are obvious, like Ozzy’s and Steph’s and Cirie’s. Truthfully, it’s been an open secret for a long time that Aubry was going to win. She had the legacy, the days counted, the minutes logged, the challenges experienced, the challenges practiced, and the best Survivor story to tell. And the vote was basically a blowout. Chrissy, Coach, and Steph voted for Jonathan, because of course they did, but everyone else voted for Aubry.
If it wasn’t for the year-old leak, it would’ve been obvious the minute the final five was decided. A new era person was never going to win Survivor 50. Above honor and integrity, this season was about legacy. And after Colby and Steph and Coach and Ozzy and Cirie were voted out, it was a done deal. The winner of Survivor 50 was always going to be the person with the best Survivor story left standing, even if I personally believe Jonathan played the best this season. But, as we know, the best player doesn’t always win. Aubry won the immunity challenge that mattered the most, and, for the first time, was sitting next to the right people on the very last day.
The show wrapped with a teaser for Survivor 51, which kicks off what Jeff is calling the “Open Era.” I already have a lot of thoughts about that, and I’ll write most of them down later, but I’m looking forward to it already. I’ll see you all then.