Review: The Mean One (2022)

Last year's Christmas horror flick hits VOD, DVD, and Blu-ray today.

Last December, in Regal Cinemas
all around the country,
came an indie horror film -
low-budgeted, but hungry

With a concept so crazy,
you can't help but smirk,
tt's a twisted new tale
of the infamous Christmas jerk 

No, we can't call him
that word that rhymes with "inch,"
but he's scary and he's green - 
The Mean One will do in a pinch

Unlike one Winnie the Pooh,
this guy's not public domain, 
so we have to dance around the plot,
the setting, the characters, and his name 

Cindy You-Know-Who is grown up
and comes home all these years later
to face her childhood demons.
Well, it’s really just one Christmas hater

He's meaner than ever
in this gross X-mas flick.
He does more than steal presents, 
it's really quite sick

He likes to maim and kill
in this silly horror parody.
This isn't your mother's Grinch
and it sure ain't Jim Carrey

He still slithers and slinks
with a sour disposition,
but there's nothing family-friendly
in this gory rendition

It's more like Die Hard,
or maybe Home Alone.
It's horror with an action climax,
not a Dr. Seuss clone

Director Steven LaMorte
has made a nice little feature,
if you can get past
the gross green creature

He's played by David Howard Thornton
of Terrifier fame.
You know his performances
even if you don’t know his name

Under all that makeup
and those Grinchy hairy fingies,
he gives a performance
that’ll give you the tinglies

He grunts like a dog
and growls like a bear.
And if looks could kill,
he'd take you out with a stare

The makeup is freaky
on a clearly low budget.
They never take the easy way out,
they never ever fudge it

That's really quite true.
of the whole darn thing
They never let money
Stop from taking a big swing

From kooky performances
to big crazy kills,
nothing will stop them,
not even a few extra bills

Cindy is played
by Krystle Martin
and to face the big scary Grinch,
she won't be outsmarted

She's fun to follow
and fun to root for -
She'll take him down with guns
and with shear brute force

You see, the Mean One isn't
the only one who gets to kill.
Yes, it's scary horror,
but it's also good for a thrill

You must understand
this ain't no Charlie Brown,
but you can't expect that
from Art the Clown

You need to go in
knowing what you'll get,
this isn't a symphony orchestra,
it's a string-quartet

But they won't let it stop them
in their mission to entertain,
it's a pretty good time
if you can handle the inhumane

Watch it hoping and wishing
you'll have a fun time -
and you will!
(Oh, and please excuse this review in rhyme)

It drops today on demand,
DVD and Blu,
Not just for Christmas -
it works for Halloween too!