Ranking SNL's Weekend Update Anchors

Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.

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With Saturday Night Live's 50th Anniversary special just around the corner, prepare for a blitz of behind-the-scenes stories, oral histories, retrospectives, and rankings - just like this one! Here's my personal ranking of the cast members who have anchored Weekend Update, not including brief substitutions or when the segment ran under a different name.

14. Charles Rocket (1980–1981)

Unless you're an SNL superfan, odds are you couldn't name the only Update host not cast by Lorne Michaels. After his brief tenure, the segment would be renamed "SNL NewsBreak" and "Saturday Night News" until Lorne returned to produce the show again. It's the kind of question that nerds like me get right at the brewery's SNL Trivia Night, in pursuit of one of those sweet, sweet $10 gift cards. (Hint: He's also the only Weekend Update anchor to actually work as a news anchor, hosting local broadcasts in markets like Nashville and Pueblo, CO before his time on SNL.)

13. Colin Quinn (1998-2000)

Colin Quinn is a very funny comic, but this just wasn't the right vehicle for his work. Post-SNL, he's found success turning his stand-up into long-form stories, intimate and autobiographical one-man shows. It's the exact opposite of Weekend Update's setup-punchline format, which is why Update just didn't play to his strengths.

12. Colin Jost and Cecily Strong (2014)

I think this was just a fever dream.

11. Seth Meyers and Cecily Strong (2013-2014)

I definitely saw all of these shows, but I don't think this actually happened either.

10. Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey (2000-2004)

Tina was great, of course, but Jimmy drags her down in the rankings here. (Don't worry yet, she'll soon be liberated from him and from the bottom of this list.)

I'm not a Jimmy hater like so many people have become in the past few years. I think he's funny, and while the cutesy-quirky thing hasn't aged super well, it makes him perfect for a gig like hosting The Tonight Show. Unfortunately, young Jimmy was not only an imperfect fit for the Update desk, he often seemed most concerned about Jimmy Fallon. While Tina, a fantastic writer, was a hit machine, Jimmy's shtick was not being as funny as Tina. Take the post-9/11 episode for example, where Jimmy stops the segment cold...to fix his hair, commenting on how bad it looks that night. He was clearly just insecure.

9. Kevin Nealon (1991-1994)

Kevin Nealon didn't have a particular weakness, he was funny enough, but he wasn't particularly memorable either. When people picture Nealon at the desk, he's usually sitting next to an Adam Sandler character, like Opera Man or Cajun Man.

8. Seth Meyers (2008-2013)

Seth was genetically engineered in a lab to be a Weekend Update anchor. There's a reason that he, until Colin and Che, was the longest-tenured Update host and how he carried that momentum into a late-night hosting gig. He's smart, quick, a solid writer, and in an alternate timeline could probably actually host real news. But he never really had something that made him him, other than his relationship with Bill Hader's Stefon. He didn't reinvent anything, he didn't push any boundaries, he just did it well - thus his placement in the middle of the list.

7. Dennis Miller (1985-1991)

Dennis Miller, on the other hand, basically single-handedly saved the segment from obscurity with his unique voice as a comedian. When Lorne Michaels returned to produce the show's 11th season (it was such a weird time that they centered an entire episode of the new SNL 50 documentary around that year alone), one of the best casting decisions he made (and don't get me wrong, he also cast some stinkers like, if you can believe it, Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Robert Downey Jr.) was putting Dennis behind the Update desk. It was no longer a parody of the news, it was Dennis Miller, the comedian, doing the news. His persona redefined how to tell those jokes. The only problem is, some forty years on, after doing appearances on shows like The O'Reilly Factor and Monday Night Football, the bit's just gotten stale - which has aged his Update tenure.

6. Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers (2006-2008)

The real sweet spot for Seth and Amy was the fall of 2008. Amy was wrapping up a great run and Seth was now settled in the chair - and the two just have great chemistry and clearly love each other.

It was, of course, an election year, and between the presidential (and when it came to Sarah Palin, vice-presidential) fodder and the usual shenanigans in the news, there was too much stuff for just a weekly 10-minute segment. That fall, they kicked off Saturday Night Live Weekend Update Thursday, which has become an occasional reappearing show in NBC's lineup, as well as being a total mouthful. They were firing on all cylinders, doing three times as much Update as is usually required of an anchor. On the October 28th broadcast, Update started with Seth anchoring alone, opening with the great line, "I’m Seth Meyers. Amy Poehler is not here tonight, because she’s having a baby. Now, here are tonight’s other top stories..."

Their time together was just too brief.

5. Jane Curtin (1976-1980)

The ladies of the Saturday Night Not Ready for Prime Time Players (Jane, Gilda, and Lorraine) were, and still are, overshadowed by their male counterparts who went off to Hollywood success - Chevy, Dan, Bill, and John. But (and by the way, I'm currently wearing this shirt as I type this) they could hold their own against anybody and Jane was a damn sniper. She was cool and quick and her approach of taking everything deadly serious was perfect for the fake news. She was, at different points, paired with Bill Murray and Danny Akroyd (that's where "Jane, you ignorant slut" comes from), but she was the one made for this.

4. Colin Jost and Michael Che (2014-present)

Although I may personally be ready for what's next after Colin and Che, they get points for both longevity and their unique style. They have a distinct voice as a duo, Colin the uptight and Che the boundary-pusher, that works as a ping-pong for the segment. It's become so much their thing now, the jokes don't even sound the same. Seriously, study the way a joke is constructed by Tina or Seth or Dennis or Norm (okay, maybe not Norm), it sounds the same. Colin and Che have their own rhythm. Additionally, I think that the joke swap is one of the most consistently funny things on the show this side of the millennium. It's become so ubiquitous that many casual viewers just think that's how the segment works now.

3. Chevy Chase (1975-1976)

I love Chevy Chase and you can't stop me. He was the first guy to do it and still one of the best. People like to razz on him because he takes credit for the entire satirical news subgenre, from The Daily Show to The Colbert Report, and although he's probably blowing it a bit out of proportion, guess what people - he's right. He did this before anyone else and while many have tried to duplicate (and yes, many have also elevated), they just couldn't do it as well. He's Chevy Chase and you're not.

2. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler (2004-2006)

The best co-anchors happen to be two of the funniest people ever to play pretend on Saturday Night Live. Their personas were in perfect balance, Tina the investigative journalist and Amy the fluff-piece specialist. It all just seemed so natural and the two are now forever linked, as Update anchors and movie co-stars and awards show hosts and Clinton and Palin. When their run together ended, it was time for Tina to move on from the show (she left to start working on 30 Rock) and Amy got a great partner in Seth, but as far as I'm concerned, it didn't last long enough.

1. Norm Macdonald (1994-1997)

Without a doubt, the best to ever do it. Along with writer Jim Downey, Norm created an Update that said what no one else would, found the humor in the darkest of situations, and took aim at absolutely everybody - most notably OJ Simpson. (Nothing will ever beat the opener, "It's official, murder is legal in the state of California.") His jokes still hold up (there's a Twitter account dedicated to sharing his jokes), largely because the punchlines are always unexpected and often shockingly raw. He was your favorite comedian's favorite comedian, and maybe even your favorite Update anchor's favorite Update anchor.

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