Haiku Reviews #1
Short film reviews for movies new and old.
I watch a lot of movies. I write about many of them, I don’t write about many others. Most do not warrant a full essay, but I still, of course, have my opinions. I figured that writing short musings would be a good way to get my thoughts out quickly and efficiently. Consequently, here are some “haiku reviews” for movies, both new and old, that I watched recently.
The Way Back (2020)
This director has
made the best sports movies of
the past twenty years
Harriet (2019)
How did they do it?
Make Harriet Tubman so
boring and so bland
Eraserhead (1977)
Lynch fans always like
“Nolan fanboys are the worst”
If only they knew
Minari (2020)
My grandma baked treats
So I never felt the need
To serve her my piss
Enemy of the State (1998)
There’s a scene in this
It takes place right outside my
apartment, how cool!
Boyz n the Hood (1991)
Singleton’s debut
blew the world away at the
age of twenty three
Judas and the Black Messiah (2021)
We pay for police
Don’t forget, they work for us
See this movie now
Misery (1990)
Caan and Bates make this
Arguably the best King
film adaptation
The Mauritanian (2021)
I wish Shailene did
more and Cumberbatch did less
Southern accents, please!
Dune (1984)
I can’t tell if it’s
Nothing but exposition
Or has none at all
Straight Outta Compton (2015)
I really wish we
had a Snoop Dogg spinoff with
Lakeith. Make it now!
The Stand (2020–21)
It’s not like the source
Material for this show
Guaranteed a hit
Coming to America (1988)
A stone cold classic
Eddie at his very best
And Arsenio!
Coming 2 America (2021)
Everyone in this
Has aged appropriately
Except for Eddie
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