Cut the Cord: Scary Movies II
November 2024. Volume 3, Issue 6.
Welcome back to Cut the Cord.
Halloween may have come and gone, but I watched way too many spooky movies this month to not pass along some solid recommendations in this newsletter all about finding great movies on free streaming services. Who cares if it's November? I certainly don’t, I didn’t want my horror marathon to end.
Plus, it's never the wrong time to watch scary movies...and nothing's gonna be scarier than the next few days anyway.
At least, let’s hope not.
Dolls (1987)
A precocious girl, her nasty parents, two punk-rock losers and a weak-kneed salesman inadvertently become the guests of two ghoulish senior citizens in their dark, haunted mansion.
There's so much to like about this underrated Stuart Gordon joint. For starters, it's barely 70 minutes before the credits roll, so it's the perfect squeeze-it-in. It's a slasher movie where the dolls are slashers, but it also has werewolf teddy bears (werebears?) and plenty of gore. It also literally takes place in a giant, dusty old mansion on a dark and stormy night. I simply do not know what else you need.
But here's the real kicker: there are two interesting special thanks in the credits, the Brothers Grimm (obviously, as it's essentially a dark and gothic fairy tale) and child psychologist Bruno Bettelheim, who studied "emotionally disturbed children," according to his Wikipedia page. What I'm saying is this is the perfect movie to throw on today and mess your kid up amid their candy hangover.
Dead Heat (1988)
Detective Roger Mortis is killed in action while investigating a string of mysterious robberies: until he's brought back from the dead with a chemical company's secret re-animation technology. Now he has twelve hours to solve the case of his own death before he dies: And stays dead.
You're gonna notice a lot of '80s flicks on this list, for better or for worse. This one is very '80s, a buddy cop/zombie mashup where the underrated Treat Williams (whom I seem to have written about a lot this year) plays an undead detective who has to solve his own murder. Joe Piscopo plays his partner, but supporting performances from Darren McGavin (this could make a great double feature with The Night Stalker) and Vincent Price are worth the cost of admission alone - and there is no cost of admission, this is a newsletter about free movies!
Spirit Halloween: The Movie (2022)
A group of middle schoolers discover a Spirit Halloween store is haunted and must survive the night.
I won't sit here and lie to you, saying that this movie is pretty good. It's not. But I want to use this opportunity to tell you about what a Spirit Halloween sucker I've become. Every year, I make at least one pilgrimage to the pop-up, browsing the aisles, pointing new stuff out to Taylor, and then not buying a single thing. It's become one of my October traditions. I like being a looky-loo.
And since you're reading this on November 1st, I'd like to remind you to go to Spirit Halloween today and pick up some of the scraps for next year.
Olivia (1983)
Nightmares of the past haunt the beautiful, mysterious Olivia, a London resident who begins a passionate affair with American businessman Mike. Trapped in a loveless marriage and traumatized by memories of her mother’s brutal murder, Olivia hopes her lover will offer a chance at a new life. However, ghostly voices and brutal murders ignite a fiendish, twist-filled story of double identities, deception, and erotic terror.
I first saw this film a few months ago when I went to the Mahoning Drive-In's screening of Grindhouse, where they promised to end the evening by projecting a print of "a vintage grindhouse flick from deep within the mighty Mahoning vaults." Olivia is like if Hitcock's Vertigo and De Palma's Obsession had a baby and that baby was terrible. In my Grindhouse round-up piece, I wrote that is "a movie that is the exact kind of crazy that demands you tell somebody the entire plot the next day so you can run it back in your mind and make sure it all happened."
Zombie Nightmare (1987)
Tony Washington is killed by a gang of rampant trendy teenagers. Molly Mokembe is a voodoo lady who brings him back from the dead to seek revenge on his killers so he can rest in peace.
This one's about a bodybuilder baseball player zombie (who is quite reminiscent of Lou Ferrigno's Hulk), who gets revenge on the people who...did any bad ever, I guess. This Canadian production has an early career Tia Carrere, a top-billed Adam West who isn't in it nearly enough, and a wild wild ending.
We’re All Going to the World’s Fair (2021)
A group of rock-music-loving students, with the help of the Ramones, take over their school to combat its newly installed oppressive administration.
One of my favorite movies of the year is Jane Schoenbrun's I Saw the TV Glow, a transgender body horror allegory that many critics couldn't have misunderstood more if they tried. And I think a few of them tried.
When I saw Schoenbrun's debut, We’re All Going to the World’s Fair, I remember thinking, "Yes, I totally get this - but I wish something would happen!" One of the many reasons I liked TV Glow was that I could say, "Yes, I totally get this - and stuff is happening!" But if you liked that new film and are down for slow slow slow burns, this one might be rewarding for you.
Goosebumps (1995-1998)
Anything can turn spooky in this horror anthology series based on the best-selling books by master of kid horror, R.L. Stine. In every episode, see what happens when regular kids find themselves in scary situations, and how they work to confront and overcome their fears.
I have good news: Goosebumps still works on children.
For those of you who don't know, I spend my days teaching middle school English, and one day last week, they returned a bit early from a science field trip. With no lesson plan in sight, 30 minutes to fill, and Halloween around the corner, I threw Goosebumps on the projector. And they had a great, spooky time!
And, even better, when the iconic theme song reached the hallway, another teacher, around my age, came running into my room to sneak a peek.
Silent Rage (1982)
A mentally ill man in a small Texas town goes on a killing rampage and is fatally wounded by police. When doctors use an experimental serum to bring him back to life, the killer develops superhuman strength and the town sheriff must pursue him.
Over a year ago in this very newsletter, I recommended a movie called 10 to Midnight, a Charles Bronson serial killer procedural best known for being one of the sleaziest Cannon movies - which is saying a lot. Silent Rage is for people who wanted that movie to be worse. Instead of Bronson, we get Chuck Norris, and instead of a crazed naked pervert killer, we get an axe-wielding maniac.
Why then, would I give it a recommendation in a newsletter dedicated to recommending good movies? Because it's still a Chuck Norris horror movie! Where the killer is an indestructible reanimated psycho! And it has (second De Palma reference incoming) WILLIAM FINLEY in a rare non-De Palma appearance. If those things interest you, you're not the kind of person usually concerned with quality.
Credit: Each plot synopsis comes from Letterboxd via TMDb.