Baseball Movies: Major League (1989)
Free admission to anyone who was actually alive the last time the Indians won a pennant.
Like any good baseball fan, I try to make it to a few new baseball parks every year. I believe it's something we all feel the need to. It could be a major league park, a minor league park, hell, even a little league field will do - but if they build, we must come.
This year, a trip to Cleveland was on the books, so of course it had to align with a Guardians homestand. And a trip to Progressive Field was a great excuse to revisit a fan favorite baseball movie, Major League. Not that I need an excuse, MLB Network shows it three times a day in the offseason - but I had never been to Cleveland, so some research was necessary.
It was the right move. It's very Cleveland right away, opening on a shot of Hope Memorial Bridge and the guardian statues - which is a good oppurtunity to mention that the baseball team was called the Indians in 1989, which sucks, but they're called the Guardians now, which is fine. They also played at Cleveland Municipal Stadium, which this movie does no favors. It looks like a cavernous dump. Was it? Cleveland fans will have to let me know. Now you have Progressive Field, which is middle-of-the-pack as far as ballparks are concerned.
And that's the perfect way to describe Major League. It was cool for a while and now it's kind of dated and icky, so it lands in the "just fine" category of baseball movies.
As you probably already know, it is the story of the Cleveland Indians, the owner trying to move them to Miami, and the ragtag group of misfits that just won't lose. Some of the jokes haven't aged well and director David S. Ward gets a lot of the baseball wrong, but the thing that still works is that teams of rejects and old farts.
The heart of the team is Jake Taylor, played by Tom Berenger. He's the veteran catcher because a baseball movie needs a veteran catcher. He's closing in on 40, he's got bad knees, and he's playing in the Mexican League when he gets the call from the Indians. He's got the best overall career of anyone on the team, which shows how bad they are. At one point, his ex-wife Rene Russo (you know you've screwed up your life when Rene Russo is your ex-wife), introduces him as a professional baseball player to a friend and the friend says, "Here in Cleveland? I didn't know they still had a team!"
He shrugs it off and quips, "Yup, we've got uniforms and everything, it's really great."
On the flip side, they've got two young hotshots with lots of talent and absolutely no experience. The pitching staff boasts Charlie Sheen's Ricky "Wild Thing" Vaughn. Wild Thing, he makes your heart sing. He's got a great fastball, clocking in at over 100mph, which was absolute insanity in 1989. Now you've got high school kids pumping that.
But he's got two problems. First, he can't throw a strike. This is a real issue until they realize he just needs glasses, then he can see the strike zone just fine. It reminds me of that Beavis and Butt-Head episode where the eye doctor gives them thick Coke-bottle lenses when they bomb the eye chart test, but it turns out they actually just can't read the letters.
His other issue is that he's a...wild thing. Play-by-play man Harry Doyle (played by the late, great, and quite funny Bob Uecker) says on the radio, "Vaughn, a juvenile delinquent in the offseason...now making his major league debut." He rides a motorcycle and has sex with women and wears sleeveless shirts and gets in trouble. In other words, he's really cool.
The other rookie is center fielder Willie Mays Hayes, as played by Wesley Snipes. When he shows up to spring training (you've heard of someone signing a minor league contract with an invite to spring training, but you've never heard of someone inviting themselves), he introduces himself by saying, "I play like Mays, and I run like Hayes." That's totally unnecessary because Willie Mays was also a good runner (he stole over 300 bases!), but I guess that's beside the point. Willie Mays Hayes steals a lot of bags, including like 40 in the last month of the season.
Snipes would go on to play the cocky outfielder in 1996's The Fan, which I, along with many, consider a spiritual sequel. You're definitely more likely to reach for it over either of the actual sequels to Major League anyway.
Then there are the few fellas who round out the team. Corbin Bernsen plays third baseman Roger Dorn, a selfish player who doesn't believe in his teammates. While his wife in the movie may hate his lying guts, in real life, he's lucky enough to be married to Amanda Pays, so I don't feel bad for him. Character actor and well-regarded "That Guy" Chelcie Ross plays veteran pitcher Eddie Harris, a similar journeyman type who's still trying to make it happen well into middle age. He's like Jamie Moyer. If he were around today, he'd be at the top of the list for sticky stuffy offenders.
Finally, we've got outfielder Pedro Cerrano, played by Allstate spokesman Dennis Haysbert. He's really into voodoo, which does have some truth to it as baseball players are famously quite superstitious, but really it's just an excuse to be super racist. It's so bizarre and messed-up that you don't even notice the Chief Wahoo logo for a while. He also can't hit a curveball, which I guess makes him a Joey Gallo type.
Their skipper is Lou Brown, played by James Gammon, another recognizable character actor. He's got the perfect gruff, quiet intensity, and spitting abilities required for a character who managed the Toledo Mud Hens for thirty years. That's crazy to think about now, an old timer who holds one managing job in the minors for that long. Now, a AAA manager only lasts a season or two before they're called up themselves to be the Bat on Ball Premium Experience Coach, or something like that, for the big league team.
Could these guys actually play postseason baseball? Absolutely not. They should be terrible. This isn't Moneyball roster construction, it's White Sox or Rockies roster construction. But if you enjoy Major League, who am I to stop you? You’re probably older than me anyway, of the baseball generation where men were men and racism wasn’t a big deal. And at least it's better than those sequels...
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