A 'Golden Girls' Episode Sampler
One episode for each of the ladies.
The Golden Girls is the greatest sitcom in the history of television.
Yes, I said it.
This tale of four ladies in the golden years of their lives works for anyone - I'm a dude in his 20s who has watched the show my whole life! So if you've ever thought it's not a show for you, I'm so happy to say that you are wrong!
Now that that's out of the way, you get to meet these wonderful ladies for the first time! I'm so jealous! Use this episode sampler, featuring one story representing each of the girls, to get started.
Sophia - “Old Friends” (Season 3, Episode 1)
We begin with what might be the best episode from the entire series, (and a serious contender for best Rose episode - if she wasn't the b-plot!) In fact, I would go as far as to say that there aren't more complete and holistic episodes of network television. Sophia is my favorite of the girls and this is her crowning achievement, and not just because this is the episode for which Estelle Getty won her Emmy.
In this season three premiere, Sophia befriends Alvin, another "geezer" with the time to sit on the boardwalk and people-watch. After a pleasant outing over a shared veal and pepper sandwich, she begins to join him every day. That is, if he arrives on time, doesn't act erratically, or doesn't skip out completely. Even when she learns that he has Alzheimer's disease and isn't doing well, she still sits on that bench waiting for him - because that's what friends do, they're always there for each other.
Sophia was always the funniest and quippiest of the bunch, but this episode showed her true heart and compassion. I just wish the episode was longer so we could see her telling him one of those famous Sicily stories because we know she did.
Blanche - “Scared Straight” (Season 4, Episode 9)
I don't think that Blanche got great "Blanche episodes." Her sexual escapades usually worked better as the butt of a joke than serious dramatic tension, she never had a long-term boyfriend, and the episodes with her family always felt like forgotten scenes from Tennessee Williams plays. Whatever the reason, this episode, the one where her brother comes out to her, stands out.
As you can imagine, this southern belle has trouble understanding and accepting her brother. She comes around in record time thanks to network sitcom pacing, but she does just the same when she realizes how much they have in common: that they're both "great looking, charming, and irresistible to men." The show was always progressive, even when you least expected it.
Rose - “The Way We Met” (Season 1, Episode 25)
This isn't exactly a "Rose episode¹," (as you can probably tell from the title, the girls, over cheesecake, flashback to the story of how they found each other), but it does have her single best St. Olaf story - the one so charming and so cute that Blanche and Dorothy decide to room with her.
Do I want to reduce Betty White's performance down to her St. Olaf tales? No. But not only is it the most recognizable aspect of her character, the thing that ends up on coffee mugs and fridge magnets (I have one!), it's that earnest silliness that makes her who she is. This particular story is so iconic that it made the Twitter rounds when Betty White passed away. Some claimed Betty improvised most of the story, which is what makes the other two ladies crack up so hard. The improvisation claim was debunked by a script supervisor who showed off her copy, but we will never know just how much Betty had those two in the palm of her hand, just like she always had us.
¹For a "Rose episode," I suggest her stunning dramatic performance when she finds out Charlie's pension fund has gone bankrupt in Season 5, Episode 4 "Rose Fights Back."
Dorothy - “Sick and Tired” (Season 5, Episodes 1 & 2)
I have always appreciated Dorothy’s honesty. She’s never shy to tell someone when they’re being stupid (Rose), when they’re being inconsiderate (Blanche), or when they’re being reckless (Sophia). She’s always quick-witted and often full of answers.
That’s what made the beginning of Season 5 so upsetting. In the two part series opener, Dorothy feels physically ill. She’s been constantly exhausted for months and it’s not getting better. She knows something is wrong with her, but no one can diagnose her pains.
Or do they just not believe her?
Read the rest in my piece “That Time Dorothy Zbornak Told off a Mansplainer.”
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