20th Anniversary TLDR: Bad Santa (2003)
You need many years of therapy.
Plot: A miserable conman and his partner pose as Santa and his Little Helper to rob department stores on Christmas Eve. But they run into problems when the conman befriends a troubled kid, and the security boss discovers the plot.
Direction: Terry Zwigoff's career didn't have the biggest output, but his movies are beloved. Crumb is considered one of the great documentaries, Ghost World is a cult classic and Criterion Collection staple, and then came Bad Santa. He only made one more movie, 2006's Art School Confidential, which you just don't hear about very often. He has tried unsuccessfully to get many other projects off the ground in the years since. After a disastrous initial test screening in 2002, the Weinsteins hired Todd Phillips (fresh off shooting Old School) to reshoot some stuff for a theatrical release. A few years later, Zwigoff got to release his Director's Cut, probably less because the Weinsteins actually cared at all and more because that's a good marketing ploy for the DVD. The Theatrical Cut never even made it to Blu-ray, which only has the Director's Cut and Badder Santa Unrated Version.
Screenplay: Bear with me here: The Coen Brothers have the idea of a bad Santa. Glenn Ficarra and John Requa go off and actually write the thing. The Coens like it, but not enough, so they do a rewrite. When Terry Zwigoff gets onboard, he does a pass. And then, of course, there's a bunch of ad-libs and three different cuts of the movie.
Performances: This is The Billy Bob Thornton Show and he crushes it. I don't think he gets enough credit for being a great actor who can do everything. He claims he actually showed up to the set drunk and Zwigoff backs him up on this, but it still smells like bullshit to me. Who knows.
Tony Cox never had a job this great before and hasn't had one since, which is a shame because he's very funny. Audiences at the time wanted more Bernie Mac and they were right, he's not in it enough. I cannot believe Lauren Graham was in the middle of her Gilmore Girls run when she did this. It's John Ritter's final live-action film. And the kid who played the kid, Brett Kelly, is thirty now. How about that...
Imaginary Accolade: Best Billy Bob Thornton Christmas Movie of 2003 (Runner-up: Love Actually)
Best Moment: Nobody says, "What the fuck!" like Billy Bob, so I'll take literally any time he does that.
Fun Fact: The Czech Republic's title for this film translates as Santa is a Pervert. That's particularly funny because, despite all of the things Billy Bob does and is, that's the one thing he isn't.
Everything is too long! Is it too long? Which cut? Anyway, they're all fine.
Rating: A Christmas classic.
Credit: Plot synopsis from Letterboxd via TMDb.